


Attempts At Flirting

by PumpkinDoodles



Series: Taserbones Tumblr Prompts & Tiny (Adorkable) Fics [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Attempted Flirting, Donuts, F/M, all the times Darcy met Brock, and the one time he stood her up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-27 00:09:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20751062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinDoodles/pseuds/PumpkinDoodles
Summary: This one's for Em. I wrote you a thing a.) as a thank you for saying the tumblr prompts made you feel better this weekend and, b.) hoping this bit of fluff brings you more happiness. Squeezed all the lines from this prompt into one thing:https://yespumpkindoodlesthings.tumblr.com/post/187893777298/witterprompts-if-youre-following-me-because“If you’re following me because you’re lost, I have some bad news. I am too.”“We need to talk about how you keep spreading rumors about me. I mean, most of them are true, but wow. Super rude of you.”“I’m trying to fix all the wrongs I’ve done, but there’s just so many. The life of an ex-supervillain is hard.”“What am I supposed to do with all this power, if I can’t use it to make people happy?”“If you’re not here to give me caffeine, then what are you here for?”“We have no need for wishes? Speak for yourself, I’ll take them!”





	Attempts At Flirting

**Author's Note:**

> *I own nothing!

The first time Darcy saw him was right after Thor and his pals had fought Asgard’s own battlebot in New Mexico. He’d been tailing her around Santa Fe for two or three days, as she and Jane restocked Jane’s equipment. She scoped him out as she ordered a coffee. He was line behind her at a discreet distance, clad in a pair of acid wash jeans, a gym t-shirt, and aviators. He looked like a normal hot guy. But he moved like someone trained. She felt slightly like prey. That was also hot, her brain registered, but really not fair. Once the barista had passed her the caramel latte, Darcy paused, wheeled around, and stopped next to him. “If you’re following me because you’re lost, I have some bad news. I am too,” she announced.

“I wasn’t,” he lied. But his lips quirked up at the corners.

“Uh-huh, sure, Agent Hottie. Tell Coulson I said hey,” she said marching off. ”Good boots, by the way!” she called as she exited. They were two-tone cowboy boots.

***

The second time was in London. He was in tactical gear this time. He couldn’t lie about his nefarious SHIELD connections now. Also, was he better looking? Darcy thought he might be better looking. He had a nice five o’clock shadow going today. She left Ian and Jane talking excitedly about some Convergence thingy and walked over to him in the tent where they kept the coffee. “Agent Hottie,” she said. “We need to talk about how you keep spreading rumors about me. I mean, most of them are true, but wow. Super rude of you.”

“Say what now?” he said, giving her a full smirk. 

“Yeah, there’s a reason that someone at SHIELD knows my shoe size and it’s totally on you, following me around the mall in Santa Fe, my dude. Did you actually give someone my underwear size like a creep from a serial killer documentary?”

“You didn’t buy underwear,” he said. 

“Oh my God, way to make it even creepier,” she said. He grinned at her.

“I have a very exact memory,” he said. “You want more coffee? I could find you some latte syrup.”

“Is that a bribe? Are you trying to woo me for information?” she asked. “Because Jane still hates you, Agent Hottie. Alllll of you.” Darcy gestured to include the whole tent and post-Dark Elf crisis response and street clean up.

“Even if I get you donuts?” he said, raising an eyebrow.

“Probably,” Darcy admitted. “She’s very strong-willed.”

“I heard she slapped Loki,” he said. “I’m kinda envious.”

“I’ll tell her,” Darcy promised. 

“What if it’s lots of donuts?”

The next day, he found her as she was using the SHIELD debit card he’d given her for her donut fund to distribute donuts, croissants, and custard tarts from the nearest bakery. She was just giving them out to anyone--a pantsless Erik, nefarious SHIELD agents, passing disaster tourists. He tapped her on the shoulder. “I’ve given you too much power,” he said dryly.

“What am I supposed to do with all this power, if I can’t use it to make people happy?” she countered. He laughed.

“Have dinner with me tonight?” he said quietly.

“Why are we whispering?” she said back, in a low voice.

“Because you’ve got the British guy, Whatshisface, and my boss would not approve of me picking up women at work, even if they’re gorgeous and intelligent?” he said.

“Very well done,” she told him, bumping his shoulder. “Okay.”

“You will?” he said.

“Uh-huh. Eight.” She gave him the name of the restaurant. 

“I’ll be there,” he said, smoldering at her.

But he wasn’t.

She was really disappointed when he didn’t show. She waited an hour, then went to the clean up site. She didn’t want him to think he could flake out on her without being confronted. But all the SHIELD tents, trucks, and equipment were gone. “Shit,” she said. “They vacated.” She told Jane about it while Ian snoozed on her mom’s couch. “I guess they got called away?” she said.

“He was probably after my research,” Jane said grimly. “I don’t trust them.”

“Yeah, I know,” Darcy said. She sipped her coffee.

“Ian’s nice,” Jane said.

“Nice,” Darcy repeated. “But no free donuts.”

“That’s how you got those?” Jane said, turning to look at the stack of donut boxes on the counter.

“Yup. How many has Thor had today?” she asked.

“Two dozen at least,” Jane said. “I’m kinda worried about his cholesterol.” 

They both dissolved into giggles.

***

“Oh my God!” Jane yelled, one afternoon when they were working in Norway. They were a year out from the Convergence and finally had some funding. She’d broken up with Ian, but she could afford candy, so that was good.

“What?” Darcy said. “Science?”

“No, TV!” Jane said in a stunned voice.

“TV?” Darcy said, looking over. They had a small television in the lab. 

“Isn’t that the jackbooted thug who tried to ask you out in London?” Jane said, pointing. “He’s a wanted HYDRA felon!” 

“Oh shit,” Darcy said. “He escaped from a hospital?” The screen was flashing images of Agent Hottie as he tried to arrest Captain America, footage of burning helicarriers, then renderings of his current, scarred face. “Shitfuckdamn,” she muttered.

“His name is actually  _ Brock Rumlow?  _ You moped for months about a guy named that?”

“I did not mope!” Darcy insisted. “Okay, I was a little sad, but look at that.” She pointed with her pencil. The news was showing old footage of him evacuating people in New York. “He was hella heroic-looking during Loki’s second thing.” Jane nodded. He did look exceptionally handsome shielding office workers from debris and carrying a kid and a gun.

“You could have married him and he would have been HYDRA the whole time,” Jane said.

“We didn’t even go out on one date!” Darcy insisted. 

“Sure, Mrs. Rumlow.”

“Shut up.”

“You borrowed my Thor sadness sweatpants after London and kept thinking you saw him in the street,” Jane said.

“I can’t believe we ate HYDRA-funded donuts, probably,” Darcy said. “Blood donuts.”

When he was killed later in Nigeria, she tried not to feel weirdly conflicted, but it was difficult. Most of the murderous people she’d run into--Loki, various elves, Tony’s AI systems--hadn’t been that nice to her beforehand. She didn’t tell Jane, though. Jane might start giving more speeches about Darcy’s bad boy problem.

It was her own fault, really: she’d thought a young Ivan Vanko was cute. Also, several guys with vendettas against Tony had hit on her at parties. So, instead, she just hid her Agent Hottie news reports in a computer file. She’d watched the footage of him, Steve, and Wanda in Lagos so much that it was starting to look weird to her.

***

“What wishes can I grant you?” Tony offered, when they finally moved into the upstate New York facility. 

“I don’t need wishes, I need more equipment,” Jane said. 

“We have no need for wishes? Speak for yourself, I’ll take them!” Darcy said, laughing, from behind some boxes.

“What do you want, Itty Bitty?” Tony yelled.

“Coffee!” she yelled back. “All the coffee!”

“Will do,” Tony said. She heard him whistling as he walked away. 

“He’s in a good mood,” Darcy said.

“Helen Cho is here to consult on Rhodey’s case and treat some of their support team,” Jane said. 

“Oh,” Darcy said. They both knew Helen had a major Thor crush.

“Should I check on that?” Jane said.

“Maybe?” 

“I’m going,” Jane said firmly. “If I catch her squeezing his biceps again--”

“I’ve got your bail money ready,” Darcy said. She heard Jane leave at a clip.

She was still unpacking and humming to herself when the lab door opened a few minutes later. “Is that my coffee? Tony?” she called out. The boxes she was in the middle of were devoted to the big equipment. She couldn’t see the door.

“No coffee, sorry,” a familiar-sounding male voice said. She recognized it from somewhere. Darcy couldn’t place it, though. Was it one of Happy’s security people? The fun guy from Legal she’d met last week who also liked Lana del Rey?

“If you’re not here to give me caffeine, then what are you here for?” she said teasingly. The man cleared his throat and Darcy decided to crawl from behind her cardboard tower. She was backing out on her hands and knees when he spoke again.

“I’m trying to fix all the wrongs I’ve done, but there’s just so many. The life of an ex-supervillain is hard,” he said wryly. She turned her head.

“Agent Hottie?” she squeaked out. “Wha-what are you doing here?” He was standing there, unscarred, and very alive-looking. 

“I wanted to ask you on our second first date,” Brock Rumlow said. “You have time now?”

“Sure,” she said slowly.

“Itty Bitty,” Tony said, coming into the lab with a coffee tray. “Here’s your coffee--why is Rumlow on the floor?”

“I tased him,” Darcy said, looking at him with wild eyes. “He’s not dead!”

“No,” Tony said slowly. At his feet, Rumlow groaned and his eyelids fluttered. “Helen Cho fixed him up yesterday.”

“Why?” Darcy said, looking like she was debating another tasing. “Why is he not in jail, Tony?”

“Ohhh,” Tony said. “He’s part of the support team. He was a triple agent during the HYDRA thing, then he did that Crossbones stuff for Fury, stealing back stuff from HYDRA, he’s been a secret good guy for years, Lewis.”

“No one told me!” she said.

“Why would they tell you?” Tony said.

“We had a date in 2013,” Rumlow muttered from the floor, trying to sit up.

“He stood me up,” Darcy told Tony. 

“He stood you up?” Tony said. “Okay, you deserved that. Have fun, kids!” He set down the coffee and walked out cheerfully. Darcy watched him go, then looked at Rumlow.

“I have spent years feeling guilty about finding you hot because I thought you were a bad guy,” Darcy scolded. 

“You still thought I was hot?” he said, grinning.

“You could have sent me an email,” she said, as he got up.

“Would it help if I said I stood you up and didn’t call because I was afraid being with me would put you in danger?” he said. He ran a hand through his hair.

“That’s...adequate,” she told him. “Okay, we can go to lunch now.” She put the taser back in her bag. 

“How’s my hair?” he asked.

“Excellent,” she sighed. “I like it like that.”

“Yeah?” he said. “You know, my hair was still good, even with the burns?” He put his arm around her.

“Uh-huh,” she agreed. “I know.”

“Did you save pictures or something?”

“I had a file.” 


End file.
